Thursday, November 03, 2005

I am not dead...yet

Far from it actually, doing work creating sound effects for an indie games company called gridwerx, go and have a look at their stuff. We are going down to AGDC (Australian Game Developers Conference) in Melbourne, Australia 1st-3rd of December to win an award and get some publicity, hell yeah! Fed square is where its happening, supposedly the indie game section is open to the public too :)

Other then that, nothing much happening. Not gonna start this blog back up yet, see no real reason to. Closer to the time of AGDC I might resurrect it and flush out old stuff or just start a new one. Maybe do an agdc blog...without a laptop...yeah...that'll work.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

ANGSTY BLOG! WATCHOUT! (I actually think its somewhat deep and meaningfull :P)

Ok, just blogging a bit cause, well, feel like writing shit out, not caring if people read it, and don't want to waste any paper. and maybe, just maybe, I subconsciously want people to read it, and send me support by confirming my thoughts and ideas. or by tell me I'm full of it. I'm sure my subconscious will be able to separate the good from the bad.

I should have assumed, straight from the start, that there was already a bf. That's what we have to assume these days, right? Otherwise we can get into a hell of trouble, and it makes it all so much more valuable when we find that one person lacking in a partner. But as it seems, I'm not at that stage yet, and I still hold out that hope whenever I get to know a nice woman (as i believe she is past the girl stage already. Nevertheless I will probably from now on refer to females as 'chicks' or 'girls'), and begin to think that maybe my feelings go beyond simple friendship, that's she's going to be single. Who am I kidding? Myself obviously. Nice girls aren't single. Nice girls that I'm attracted to both physically and mentally are never single. Pretty much a rule that I'm gonna stick to from now on. Although I'm happy to admit that there is a very small percentage out there that are truely nice AND single, but the possibility of me meeting one of those let alone liking them, is very very very utterly slim indeed. Also, I must admit, those girls that already have bfs were once upon a time asked out by said bfs. So unless the laws of physics have been broken within the last, say few minutes, that means that at one point in time every partnered chick has been single. My fears are for nought! All women are single at some point in time! All I need is a time machine to travel back to all those individual points in time and PRESTO (sp? PESTO?) I've got a million or so dates. Kidding aside, I will be more wary from now on in my quest for partnership and the righteous act of spooning.

So I didn't even ask this chick out, I simply asked if she wanted to go to lunch. This'll be more important later in the post.

Actually, my biggest fear when dealing with exposed feelings is that this person will shy away from any contact from me now that she knows I may have feelings towards her in addition to those of friendship. The last thing I ever want is to lose a good friend, although I have come to realise THAT risk specifically is a nasty part of life. As a good friend of mine informed me not long ago, an arguement similar to mine occurs in his mind that makes him stop before he says anything. That the possible negative outcomes outway the positive possibilities. And I think he's partially true. It is my mind trying to stop me from saying things that I might regret later, but I also must accept that there are concequences to things I say, and to take that into account when I am preparing to say the words, and then to take the risk. because what is life but a set of timed risks, and what the hell, something good might eventually happen while I'm tripping over all the bad.

It of course doesn't help when (in my case) the person is from a foreign culture, bringing in a whole range of new issues, ingrained social norms that throws everything into whacked-out-trippy-time (and not good whacked-out-trippy-time but the confusing type). Even if I have lived in that culture for an extended period of time (which i have), and do know and have been witness to numerous examples of social norms from the society, it doesn't mean I understand them. The biggest one I fear keys in with the last paragraph's point. An obvious social norm of this girl's culture is one of separation. Gender-wise. At least in my experience, females - once partnered - rarely spend time in the presence of other males (individually or group), even if they are friends. In groups yes, when the bf is there, but never separately. Whether this is historically ingrained from a lack of trust on the male side of the partnership in the culture, I don't know, but seems to be a likely possibility. From this comes a weird social pattern that has the separation of friendships by gender. I rarely over there experienced seeing a female who has a bf have close male friends, and spend time with them. Although its slowly thawing out, to my senses there still seems to be a norm in place that forbids partnered females from having male friends. It simply doesn't seem to happen. From a girl's perspective, a guy is either your bf, or nothing (or possible future partners). Something like 'they are all possible partners, and as such while I am with this partner I cannot in any way show feelings of any kind towards a member of the opposite sex'. It comes across like this, and I can't figure out any other explanation. Obviously there are deviations from the rule, and the line seems to gray a bit after highschool age. It still shits me to tears, and is hard for me to understand. I have really close female friends in this country, who i see often, and a majority of them have boyfriends. Added to this a majority of my friends are female (what can I say guys, they tend to be smart, better looking and don't make weird noises e.g. they make better friends). I don't want to start a relationship any more complex then our friendship with most of them, although some of course I have additional feelings for which lean towards future possibilities (problems too, most likely). But in the end the concept of friendship between genders is so different between cultures due to social norms in both countries, its hard to deal with when they cross over.

Now, to finish off about why I decided to blab on about this. I really like hanging around and chatting with this girl. She has something about her that makes me feel good simply being in her presence. In hindsight (the worst kind in my opinion), I would have simply continued being her friend, seeing her around uni every so often, catching the sunlight every chance I could get. Unfortunately, it seems I had to tighten my belt a bit and take that big ol' bite out of the risk cake that it seems I won't be doing for a while now out of fear. I asked if she wanted to go out to lunch. No big deal right? well, I hit the brick wall = she brought out the bf card that I should have seen sticking out of her back pocket, and my world crumbled :P well, it wasn't that bad, but it was surely a dissappointment. It's obvious our definition of 'friendship' is different, as I am more then happy to have lunch with a girl that I am not going out with and that has a bf, something she seems to have problems accepting as normal social behaviour. Did I tell her that I enjoyed her presence and that it'd be cool if we could catch lunch on the weekend? Yes, I did that. Did she then tell me that she's usually busy on the weekends with her bf (out of the blue brick to the head), and that we could ALL get together for lunch sometime? Yes she did say that. Oh well, I suppose one on one lunches isn't the hip thing to do these days. So I made some lame comment in responce in the hope that our friendship would remain to some extent intact, in the already tiny space where professional acquantances meet. So what can I get from that short yet remarkably complex parcel of communication. She reacted to my voicing feelings above and beyond what a male friend should show by telling me she had a boyfriend and that it was never going to be possible for me to have lunch with her alone. Was I surprised? not really, I knew it was a possibility? Was I annoyed? Yeah, totally, thought she might have learnt something about Australian (and to some extent Western) concepts of friendship and used that knowledge to attempt something then utter shutdown. Unfortunately that didn't happen, and I've received a cultural bitchslap in my own backyard, one I am still smarting from.

What should I have done? she's a beautifull (no lie), intelligent, creative, funny, honest, modest, caring and nice individual; someone who I am more then glad being friends with, if only we shared the same understanding of what friendship is. Alas, I fear she will bow to her home society's social norms (which, I might add, is not her fault) and I will have little contact with her during my remaining time studying other then for pre-alotted groupwork. I will try and help her to understand my (and this country's) way of seeing friendship, in the hope that she will do what she came here to this country to do: learn.

Hopefully that was a little less angsty, and a little more, I don't know, enlightening a post.
Love is a mutual affair. An intense like from one of the pair, if met by an equal or greater intensity of 'liking' will kickstart what we know of as love. Unfortunately, and more often then not, the intense liking only occurs from one subject to the other, and is not returned. If the pair can deal with the excess 'liking' on the one half, then a friend-filled truce may be possible, where although each knows the other's level of feelings, they can still continue to exist at the level that the person with the lowest level of liking exists at. It is up to that person whether they can deal with the knowledge that the other person has had, and still may have a far greater set of feelings towards them then they do back.

Wow, I could write an essay :P

On crap.


Sunday, July 10, 2005

New CV and Online Portfolio

In this age of computers, phone-thingies and whatyacallems, it pays to stay in touch with the moving tides of technological advancement.

That is why I just remade my cv and made an online portfolio to put it in.

It will eventually link to examples of my work, but at the moment the online portfolio is simply an extension of the cv and a place where you can download my cv. The site goes into slightly more detail then the cv can, which is good cause cvs are woefully inadequate when it comes to providing possible employers with examples of workmanship.

So here's the partially-completed website.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Follow up to Live At The Zoo Recordings

Well, I took my time to edit up the audio I recorded, and I've gotten to the stage where I have put up all of Marianne's song and a few of Morgan's songs up on my deviantART site for listening to. Also linked to them thru Marianne's new message board.

So I've been given permission to put these legal bootlegs (not really bootlegs are they then...) onto the net. These three musicians don't have a record deal, no record label copyrighting all there stuff. So I'm allowed to put these on the net. They are ok quality, and yeah, small enough file sizes. Here's a few of them (all of course uploaded and edited with the express permission of the copyright owners, creators and performers):

Rainbow by Marianne Mettes

Jerk by Marianne Mettes

Madeleine Drive by Morgan Hann

Might contemplate trying to get some torrents up for these, get them a bit a distribution peer to peer-wise. Will have to ask Marianne about that.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Interest In Video Blogging/Trip to Japan

Ran across some interesting information on what has now been coined as 'vlog', or videoblogging. Still looking into it, here's one of the info sites. This may be one avenue for me to communicate while I am over in Japan the end of next year (from July). Not sure if I've put this up yet but I've been looking into doing a study period in Japan for 6 months to finish off my uni degree.

See, i have two units that could easily be done overseas, e.g. they don't require me to be located in Brisbane or anywhere around QUT. One's a workplace learning unit (e.g. work experience but at a higher level) and the other is an independent research report/project (e.g. mini-thesis). I've left these two units till the very end, and they are the only classes I have left to do to finish my uni degree next year. So, instead of doing them here, I intend to do them in Japan.

Originally the idea was to do it First Semester 2006 (e.g. from Feb) but that's out of the window for two reasons, 1) won't have enough money and 2) I want to get more experience in one field of work so I can 3) actually spend time working out a place in Japan to get work experience in. So the new plan is this, I spend the time from End of 2005 till June 2006 working my ass off to make money, and also find some low paid work or simply start doing my own work prob editing films. That's one of the things that has caught my attention recently, that I've actually enjoyed doing. Then I'll fly over to Japan on July the 1st till December the 31st, or so. I'll have organised a work experience placing in a tv station, radio station, film studio, animation studio, something along those lines well in advance, and also somewhere to maybe teach english for some cash to stay alive. The rest of the time I will spend doing my independent research report and travelling, and finally enjoying Japan!!!

I've been procrastinating on doing up a proposal to show to my course co-ordinator and upper uni management in the hope to get the go ahead, so I should really get onto that (after these exams :P). What I've written here is basically the main gist of it, I'll rewrite it, do up a well thought out and timed plan, include some CI jargon into the mix to appease the upper echelons of command (just kidding, was gonna add them anyways) and then finish with what a successful and positive ambassadorial note it will be in QUT's, Queensland's and Australia's universities collective pigeonhole in the world if I do in fact get to go over there.

So, any thoughts? My main problem will be accomodation over there and getting a workplace to go to. Other then that if anyone has done something like this before or has any hints on how I should write up this proposal?

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I have been to Japan and I can speak Japanese at a conversational level. Am endevouring to relearn what I've lost of it.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Live Recording at The Zoo

Just got back from doing some live recording of a friends performance at The Zoo (live music venue in The Valley, Brisbane). It was pretty cool. True, it was origin 2 night, so most people were at home or at the pub watching the game, but those that turned up got to listen to some very talented songwriters performing never heard before songs. That I now have on minidisc :P Yes, the recordings came out better then expected. This is mostly of course due to the fact that we also had control of the mixing desk, and I could simply connect the recorder up to the frontofhouse and get it directly from there :P so no real effort on my part, and the audio has turned out more then decent enough for radio play, or a live bonus track on an ep, or for an entire live ep. who knows. now i am off to do up a business card, cause I should make money for doing this stuff :)

Thanks goes to The Zoo for allowing us to use their mixing desk.

The three out of four performers I got recordings of were Marianne & Jonathan Mettes, Maxine McCabe and Morgan Hann (reverse order) and unfortunately I didn't get permission plus had battery problems so I couldn't record the first person on, Emma Dean (which sucked cause she was the second best on the night IMHO). So, in the very unlikely event of Emma reading this blog, I would be more then happy to do a live recording of your next gig to make up for this one :P

Well, I better be off, currently transfering the audio to my comp for postpro. ta ta.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Some More Personal Discussion...

My Sixteen Collective One

Just put My Sixteen Collective One (from my deviantART account) up on the net (need a better name, help!!!), got links to the people included and is all centered and black-like. thanks to everyone for their pictures and permission (not necessarily in that order =)). I'm starting to collect more for number 2 so if you weren't fast enough to get into the first collective, I am actively looking through the rest of my contacts galleries on devART for images to use =P but of course feel safe that I will ask for your permission before I edit and submit anything.

Onto the 'Oh Woe's Me' section.
It looks like I'll be doing this unit with this chick I'm really nuts for (like cookoo nuts for, The Shinning type of nuts) and we've more or less decided we'll be in the same group/tutorial (it's a film production unit, e.g. we have to make our own 5-6min doco style video in a group of 4 or so). Now, there are (as far as I can tell) only a couple reasons behind this decision to jointly be in a group together: 1) because I tend to understand her english better then most people, and have the added ability to converse in her first language, and 2) its really annoying to get into a film group and find out they suck, and this way we already know each others strengths (and weaknesses) in a group situation and have some resemblance of trust as friends. (Could there be something other then these two? hmm...I wish).

Now, the discussion topic I propose to you is this: should I bring everything out into the open now/during these holiday's (e.g. I have about a month before we start the class) so that I don't have to go through an entire units group work without knowing what we could possibly be or not be and obviously driving me crazy. if that makes sense. OR should I just keep my mouth shut and deal with it for an entire semester, forgetting about her and continue to receive my monthly magazine subscriptions.

Oh, and I've been neglected the gym so I'm getting pudgy...NOOOOOO!!! Though good news in that I am keeping up my daily sit and pushup regime. Don't worry gym dear friend, I shall visit you more regularly soon enough...

Well, talk people talk!!! =)